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Joke of the Day

"What did the Jewish boy get for Christmas? Jealous"

"[walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire] it's alright guys i got this one. *whips out a flamethrower* TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-"

"Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5'9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please"

"If you're suddenly feeling warm and wet, it might be because I put your Voodoo doll somewhere warm and wet."

"[police lineup] Cop: Do you see the guy who ate your plants? Me: Nope Cop: *waving leaf* Wildebeest step forward? WB: *drooling* Goddamnit"

"Difference between a 14 year old girl and a Volvo? I don't have a Volvo BOUND AND GAGGED IN MY BASEMENT"

"What do you call a mod in r/News ? [Removed]"

"Puberty doesn't hit us Asians Our parents do."

"Adults have imaginary friends too... his name is God."

"What do you call a baker with red hair? A ginger bread man"