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Joke of the Day

"""You snooze, you lose."" -competitive insomniacs"

"A doctor enters a patients room and pulls out an anal thermometer from his pocket and says Damn. Some asshole has my pen."

"Doctor, doctor I broke my arm in two places. Doctor: Stop going to those places."

"so true how do you blind a chinamen?-put a windshield in front of him"

"My girlfriend just dumped me for talking too much about video games (alternate) But my preferred style in bed is up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7.. His response was ""I still love Vista, baby!"""

"What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder without a protein shake? No whey Jose"

"I am the Michelangelo of writing research papers. He started the Sistine Chapel ceiling the night before it was due, right?"

"""Dude, we should swap spacesuits. Just for a laugh."" ""Ha, yeah ok."" [swaps suits] ""Now we sh-"" ""You took a shit in this, didn't you?"""

"A man overdosed on viagra It was the hardest day of his life"