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Joke of the Day

"[Couples therapy] WIFE: I hate the way he pronounces ""food"" like ""feud"". THERAPIST: And you, sir? ME: She's always in a bad mude."

"Why could'nt one cat impregnate the other cat?? Its because they're both pussies!!"

"I just got my first grey hair. This is the last time I let grandma cook dinner for me."

"What does gasoline taste like? I don't know, I'm in a coma."

"What does a German woman dial when a man won't take no for an answer Nein! Nein! Nein!"

"I bought a universal remote the other day and I thought to myself ""Wow, this changes everything!"""

"Man comes home early and catches his wife in bed with another man. husband says ""What the hell is going on here?"" Wife turns to the man and says ""Told you he was stupid."""

"Why did the T-Rex fail his business project? He couldn't make hands meet."

"Flagging down a people-carrier taxi is like my music collection. I don't like van hailing."

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? Mick Jagger says, ""Hey you, get offa' my cloud."" A Scotsman says, ""Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."""