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Joke of the Day

"I'm Not Fucking Stupid .... ... I mean I used to, but we broke up."

"If someone tells you they made something with ""love"" DO NOT EAT IT! Cause that is just way too nasty."

"*Skrillex, young and penniless, is working at a grocery store and shelving boxes of produce* *drops beets* Oh. Oh my god."

"What do American beer and sex on a boat have in common? Both are fucking close to water."

"Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids... ...shame really, they would have loved a kitten."

"Say friends, why is it tough to play poker with cattle farmers? They're always raising the steaks!"

"Being an adult is like being a Quentin Tarantino movie: it starts out real cool, there's lots of cursing, it's very confusing, everyone dies"

"What's the difference between a heroine and heroin? One's an object that's easily abused, the other's a drug."

"Sometimes you look at an ex and think maybe they're not so bad. And then they start to talk and remind you why you hate them."

"What's the one good thing about a pedophile? They drive slow through school zones."