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Joke of the Day

"[hours after first date] HER: *on phone* yeah i went on the date but he was creepy. *i'm just sitting outside her bedroom window in shock*"

"Why is president Putin so hard to rape He won't stop putin up a fight."

"So a pedophile, an alcoholic and a priest walks into a bar he sits down"

"Have you heard about the sensitive burglar? He takes things personally."

"Last night I had to change a light bulb, a bit later on I crossed the road, then walked into a bar... I began to realize my life was one big joke."

"What do you call a shed full of black people? Antique farm equipment"

"I like my coffee like I like my men. Ground up and in the freezer."

"A teenage boy decides to stop masturbating."

"Why do Jews hate sex? Because porkin isn't kosher."

"Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector, and fire is real."