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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""you think all that sugar you fed the kids this morning was a wise idea?"" Me: ""why?"" W: M: W: ""they're running along side the car"""

"What do you call it when two well endowed astrophysicists have a gay sword fight? A Large Hardon Collider."

"What's do you get when you mix a zebra and a donkey? I am not sure but I think it will come out a bit zonkey"

"My paper aeroplane won't fly. It's completely stationery."

"""What's funny?"" The microwave beeping as you walked backwards. ""Why's that funny?"" Because large objects beep going in reverse, Diane."

"Twitter makes me want to have drinks with people I've never met, and Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people I already know."

"A hangover so good you crawl out of the bedroom naked and sleep for 6 more hours on the kitchen floor."

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing at all... you already told her twice"

"How do I know you're not a cop? ""If I was a cop, how would I have this?"" *shows police badge that just says 'Not a Cop' on it* Oh, okay good"

"My wife was happy when I told her a put a load in the dishwasher... Until 9 months later when Consuela's baby came out looking just like me!"