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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a corn husker with epilepsy and a prostitute with dysentery? One shucks between fits."

"TIL four Chinese brothers attempted to invent the airplane but failed miserably Apparently two Wongs don't make a Wright"

"""Stop putting words into my mouth!"" ""Fine, eat your alphabet soup by yourself."""

"@funTweeters you guys are my favorite thing about Twitter. I suggest we get pant less and hug this out like men."

"When the smog clears over Los Angeles... ... U.C.L.A. I am not at all sorry for this joke. Edit: So at some point I went from 20 to 923 upvotes. I regret not checking this sooner."

"When you really think about it... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape."

"It's called a runway. But you taxi there. In a plane. Go home English, you're drunk."

"[talking to life insurance agent] Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money? No thanks."

"Throwing handfuls of parmesan cheese at someone while yelling ""PARMAGEDDON!"" might just be the game-changer your Monday needs."

"How does Hitler turn on his lights? Aulightschwitz."