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Joke of the Day

"What happens when Santa get stuck in a chimney? He gets claustrophobic!"

"Who were the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. Went through 87 stories in 10 seconds flat."

"woman vs Food would be a very boring show where she gazes wistfully at the dessert menu and sighs."

"I was going to use the new machine in the gym But I found out it only sold protein bars"

"ME: bae, you wanna go out? HER: hell yeah ME: ok pliz close the door on your way out I need to play FIFA alone."

"I bet sex with a stingray is like fucking a giant pancake."

"I'm sorry I punched you when you said ""Facebook me"". I thought you said ""Face punch me""."

"Hillary and Huma Hillary Clinton likes Huma Abedin who is married to Anthony Weiner which would make her Huma Weiner. That means that Hillary likes a Weiner which means that she is not gay."

"I just used 'medieval' and 'archaic' in a text message. I know people, I don't get how I'm not still a virgin either."

"honey, i think the milk's gone bad ""i only bought it yesterday"" yeah well, look at this.. *milk is running a meth lab in the fridge*"