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Joke of the Day

"Some people are named after where they were conceived. For example Brooklyn, Paris... My friend Ally doesn't agree."

"How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001."

"It's not difficult to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile One will see you later, the other in a while."

"I came up with a great joke about a boomerang but I forgot it. I'm sure it'll come back to me."

"You call it laziness', I call it laziness' too because I don't feel like coming up with an alternate excuse."

"The worst thing about rich people is that I'm not one of them."

"Why does Waldo wear stripes? He didn't want to get spotted."

"I just ate a family... ...sized kraft Mac n cheese and now I'm too full to get drunk by myself tonight."

"What happened to the runny nose... it tripped and fell. Now it's all boogered up."

"How that we are engaged I hope you'll give me a ring. Of course. What's your phone number ?"