121245

Joke of the Day

"Shirts that say SWAG and YOLO for sale at Walmart. Because dressing like an idiot should be affordable."

"I prepared the chicken earlier. I said, ""Listen, there's no easy way to say this..."""

"David Cameron sends Alex Salmond a text following the Scottish vote... David: ""Hi mate just checking in, u k?"""

"My dog kept barking at me I'm not sure why hes in love with roofs."

"(car dealer) is the passenger seat also heated? ""Aww for ur wife?"" *imagines putting a fast food bag on warm seat after the drive-thru* yes"

"Brought a stapler to a gun fight and now everyone is neatly organized into piles of corpses and sorted by height. The police will be pleased"

"A man starts having a heart attack mid flight... Person: Is anyone here a doctor? Vegan: I'm a vegan"

"I removed the shell from my pet snail... because I thought it would move around quicker. Now it's just really sluggish"

"Two wrongs don't make a right... but three lefts make a right. And two Wrights make a plane 6 lefts make a plane."

"[shitty joke incoming] A man just woke up from brain surgery... Where he got a brain tumor removed. When the doctor asked if he was okay he said he felt light headed."