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Joke of the Day

"""Johnny Depp looks good in that outfit!"" ""That's Diane Keaton."""

"[OC] What did Remus Lupin say to Nymphadora Tonks? I'm a-lookin'... And I'm a lycan."

"Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident? This guy!!!"

"29 months? Yeah, no, I meant how old is your kid in HOURS."

"Asked my girlfriend Shanon to tell me which fast food restaurant best describes my dick. She said Chick-fil-A, which was pretty clever, but the correct answer was Wendy's."

"Why shouldn't you put a baby in the microwave? Because you get better results from slowly roasting it in the oven."

"Being single is like a vacuum cleaner: its sucks when you're turned on"

"My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad that I eventually had to take his bike away."

"Sex is like chess You gotta know in which position to put the queen"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there was too much pride on his side."