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Joke of the Day

"I like my coffee like i like my women cold and bitter"

"How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her? By rearranging the furniture."

"""I want the box where I poop to smell like my poop or else I won't want to poop there. Whoa whoa, not THAT much like my poop! Jesus!"" - cats"

"What's the difference between like, love and lust? Spit Swallow Gargle"

"When I see a couple sharing the same facebook account I always want to ask them which one of you got caught having an affair"

"How do you fit an elephant in a subway.... you take the s out of sub and the f out of way"

"I was just casually strolling down the street... and suddenly when I looked up, I saw a baseball getting bigger and bigger, and I was wondering why that was. Then it hit me."

"After mating, a female Praying Mantis kills & eat's the male. Guess she knows it's easier to claim life insurance rather than child support."

"There's safety in numbers. Tell that to 6 million Jews."

"Not saying I deserve a gold medal in parenting, but it's 4:47 PM and my 4yo just yelled ""FINE THEN, I'M GOING TO BED!"" So you be the judge."