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Joke of the Day

"How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her? By rearranging the furniture."

"So I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"Kanye running for president."

"I hate when old people poke you at a wedding and say ""you're next"". So next time I was at a funeral I poked them and said ""you're next"

"I was taken by aliens! I couldn't get away, I don't speak Spanish!"

"What do you get when you take the pee out of poops oops"

"What is the similarity between a porn-actress and Jesus? They're both getting nailed."

"ME: In 1923 W. C. Fields said ""It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to."" BARISTA: I just need to write something on the cup."

"A perfect breakfast my perfect breakfast: my son on a box of wheaties, my girlfriend on the cover of playboy,my wife on the back of a milk carton..."

"Wanna up the awkward while standing in line? Turn around while you wait."