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Joke of the Day

"Oh hey, sorry I accidentally rolled out of your bed, across your floor, down the stairs, out the door, into my car and back in my own bed."

Next Joke
 
"Have you heard the one about the bed? No? Then it probably hasn't been made yet."
"A microwave with three only buttons. 1. Hot Pocket 2. Pizza Rolls 3. 4 Hot Pockets and 60 Pizza Rolls"
"How do churches stay so strong? They pray on the weak."
"You know what is blown out of proportions? Overweight suicide bombers."
"Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch."
"[bed] ME: [with one foot poking out of the covers] Monsters could get me ME: [pulling foot under covers] I am now completely safe"
"A nurse puts her hand in her pocket, finds a rectal thermometer and exclaims.... ""Some arsehole's got my pen!"""
"Unless you're a toddler heading towards traffic I'm not running after you."
"Germanwings 'Knock Knock' joke. *Knock Knock* Who's there? *A Germanwings pilot* A Germanwings pilot who? **LUBITZ, LET ME IN GODDAMNIT, YOU'RE GONNA CRASH THE PLANE!!**"