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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? The hockey player takes a shower after three periods."

"*cape flaps in the wind* Me: Are you ready to defend freedom for another day, Captain K? Mom: Quit blocking the fan and put the cat down."

"I'm writing some BSDM-themed LEGO fan-fiction. I hope to release it later as ""50 blocks of pain"""

"Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? The pizza doesn't scream in an oven."

"Do you know what I miss about my childhood? Not caring about spelling and chocolate milf"

"Some people are only alive in this world because I really don't want to be someone's b!tch in prison"

"The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 7 more times before then."

"Wait a second, so violence is an actual resort? That place sounds wonderful."

"You are free to criticize athletes. They are free to criticize you too of course, but they don't, because your job is dull and no one cares."

"People say you never see ninjas but I see their girlfriends hanging around mosques all the damn time."