121049

Joke of the Day

"Why did Mozart hate chickens? Because they all they ever say is Bach! Bach! Bach!"

"Every time I clean out my fridge, I get pissed off about the stuff I forgot to eat."

"Dentist: You don't have to floss all your teeth. Only the ones you wanna keep! *I start flossing his teeth* D: Um... Me: These are mine now"

"Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was just actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share."

"What did the dog use to make his kite? Flypaper."

"I just gave my secretary a baby shower. Well, a potential baby shower. If you know what I mean."

"People who believe in aliens are such freaking idiots. I'll tweet more about it when I get back from my Bigfoot hunt tonight."

"Hacked again! Sometimes I wish I never grew up on 12,345,678th Street with a dog named Password."

"What was Hitler's least favorite sauce? Jus"

"What is the difference between pile of dead babies and pile of sand? I don't eat sand."