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Joke of the Day

"My son went over to a friend's house & his Mom asked when we wanted him home. From her expression I think she was expecting a time, not day."

"""When you exit the bus please be sure to lower your head and watch your step."" ""If you miss your step and hit your head please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."""

"It sucks when you & your pal show up at a party wearing the same shirt...and an hour in, his chest hair starts sticking to your back."

"Is syphilis forever? Or is it kinda like... Clap on, Clap off?"

"What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. DRE"

"I just dropped my phone in the toilet and for a second I stood over it and thought, ""That's where it belongs."""

"Who needs viagra when there are pictures of old women with dyed orange hair and their eyebrows penciled in on the internet"

"Clothes are such a fraught gift because it's like: ""Here's the size and shape I think you are and so how I think you should style yourself!"""

"[Rogue One Spoilers] What is the empire's favorite kind of font? Sans Scarif"

"Kids have so many food allergies these days. In 15 years you'll be able to rob a bank with a bag of peanuts."