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Joke of the Day

"An Eskimo walks into a bakery and orders an apple pie, a cherry pie and a blueberry pie. The baker says, ""sorry, we don't serve Eskimo pies here."""

"I can't wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me."

"Sorry I didn't reply to your text, I just couldn't find a response that would keep you from sending another"

"All my CDs are in my ex's car. I'd get them, but I don't want to face her. Plus I don't have the equipment for diving to the bottom of the river."

"Say what you want about North Korea, but... something something /r/Pyongyang"

"What's the difference between a podiatrist and a drummer? The podiatrist bucks up your feet."

"Me: How old is your daughter? Her: She'll be 4 next week. Me: *audible sigh (Slowly, emphatically): OK. But I asked how old is she... NOW."

"Rick Astley: Do you have any Pixar movies I can borrow? Me: You can have Cars, Toy Story & Ratatouille, but I'm never gonna give you UP."

"I carpool with a guy & we have officially run out of things to talk about. Today he commented on how well-made the road was. I agreed."

"If Math was a dick, I'd be gay. Because I suck at it."