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Joke of the Day

"Rick Astley: Do you have any Pixar movies I can borrow? Me: You can have Cars, Toy Story & Ratatouille, but I'm never gonna give you UP."

"What do little miss muffet and ISIS have in common? They both have curds in their whey."

"Why don't they have showers on airplanes? Because of the towel ban."

"So I accidentally called my teacher 'mommy' yesterday... Now she knows exactly what kind of porn I'm into."

"I overheard two of my friends talking about me the other day... I said ""you disgust me"" ""Yes, we did"" they replied."

"I don't see the point of buying an autobiography when I can just flip to the last page and read the author's biography."

"It should be called stay your crazy ass home Friday..."

"I'm 39 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night."

"If life gives you lemons... Make lemonade. If life gives you melons... You might be dyslexic"

"People don't like my jokes. People don't like my jokes, and that's fine because I'm not punny."