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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a divorced FBI agent? Fed-Ex"

"Look... don't end your presentation with ""Are there any questions?"" & then get all pissy when I ask if you can ride a unicycle."

"Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm hyper observant Interviewer: You have mustard in your beard Me: Oh.."

"This doughnut scented car air freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over."

"Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore..... A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband."

"What Should You Do After Ireland Wins The World Cup Turn off Fifa and go to bed"

"What's the difference between me and a calendar? The calendar has dates *sigh*"

"I asked my friend if drinking Metamucil because I love the taste of orange juice is weird She said, ""no... regular people do it all the time!"""

"Why did the librarian hush the mime? Because actions speak louder than words."

"I once dated a girl that collected magazines. We had to break up because she had too many issues."