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Joke of the Day

"*takes earrings out* *takes bracelet off* *slips out of shoes* *tears off jeans, shirt, bra* *shaves head* Ok Doc you can weigh me now"

"Mom called to ask if I'd take her shopping. Me: What time? Mom: Anytime between 1-4. Apparently my Mom works for the cable company now."

"I like the term urban camper We all know you mean you're homless, but it's less awkward because it has the word camping in it. For all we know you could be roasting smores under a bridge or some shit."

"""OH MY GOD IS THAT GLUTEN ON THE FLOOR!?!?!"" Great way to clear the checkout lines at Whole Foods."

"Knock-knock Who's there? Howdjalikeablowjob Howdjalikeablowjob who? No, no...the proper answer is ""Why, yes! Thank you."""

"What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans? Plot Holders."

"What do you call a virgin redneck? A 7 year old who can run faster than her brothers."

"What is the number 1 pickup line at a gay bar? May I push your stool in?"

"Why did the Mexican... ... throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila! ... go to the home improvement store in December? Fajitas!"

"what is worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust"