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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a man who inherits a dairy? A Dairy Heir."

"YOU KNOW WHAT MAYBE I DO WAN'T TO MEET HOT SINGLES IN MY AREA"

"Hey yoda... Are we in the right way? -Off course we are. -All right. KEEP GOING IN THIS WAY."

"What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra? Tuskanini."

"Being iced in for 2 days gave me the opportunity to get so much housework done! I didn't do any of it. But I certainly had the opportunity."

"I went to an Indian restaurant and asked for curry bread. But there was naan."

"If I walk you home and kiss you goodnight, a simple thank you will suffice. None of this calling the cops crap."

"DOCTOR: Here's some medicine, for your well-being. GUY WHO HAS SOMEONE CAPTIVE IN HIS WELL: *thinking* How does he know about the Well Being"

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year-old child? Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!"

"My mom moved me away from Texas as a kid, statistically decreasing the chance I ever get the death penalty and that's pretty cool"