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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell when an accountant is extroverted? He looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own."

"If I were a bird, I'd spend my whole day pooping on BMWs."

"Q: What's an archeologist? A: Someone whose career is in ruins."

"What do you call a Pokemon with breasts? Rattata."

"Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah. He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion."

"Ever have one of those days where you just don't feel like being at work? I've been having one of those days for two fucking years now."

"KY jelly For when your cousin just ain't feeling it."

"Everyone talks about how May 4th is 100% hands down the best Star Wars holiday ever.... But only a fifth May deal in absolutes.."

"Feminism: because not all women can be beautiful."

"This termite walks into a bar... And says ""Where's the bar tender?"