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Joke of the Day

"Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it."

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"Why doesn't Rihanna smoke weed anymore? Because she's taken enough hits."
"The movie was better than the book because I'm illiterate."
"How much room is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible"
"If you think your days bad... Think of all the shit plumbers have to go through"
"What country do all cats wish to get their food from? Viet NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM"
"What if the missing plane is still up there? ""What?"" Did you check the sky? ""No."" See, this is why you'll never advance, Kevin."
"How does a farmer find a sheep in the long grass? Satisfying"
"""Sir, the good news is that your colon looks great. Maybe even the best I've ever seen. The bad news is that I'm just a hobo with a hobby."""
"I keep a picture of a dragon fighting a helicopter in my wallet, in case the police ask to see my license for awesome."