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Joke of the Day
"There r three things i hate Pessimism. Hypocrisy. And the world."
Next Joke
"What do you call a Jew with a pH lower than 7? ....hasidic I'll let myself out now. I know that was matzo good..."
"I just ran out of tissues... Lately, it's been coming in handy"
"9 y/o daughter: dad, what's your favourite healthy food? Me: fruits. Your's? 9: Eggs Me: Good 9: like Reese's peanut butter eggs"
"My Buddhist friend just had root canal with no anaesthetic. He wanted to transcend dental medication..."
"""Squad goals,"" I said, aloud, to nobody, as two rats helped each other move an entire bagel into a hole in the subway tracks"
"I got 99 tabs open but my work ain't one."
"I hardly know you... but, Facebook says it's your birthday, so happy birthday!"
"Pro Tip: Ask the guy sitting next to you if he's gonna freak out about you watching fetish porn before you waste $8 on in-flight wifi."
"What do you call a lonely cow? Beef Jerky"