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Joke of the Day

"I got 99 tabs open but my work ain't one."

"Do you know how I got out of Persia? Iran."

"[at dinner party] Me: Excuse me, a bit of an announcement.. Jenny and I are expecting a kid. She is 4 months pregnant. Vegan: I'm vegan"

"I loaned a blind guy some money... It's ok though. He said he'd pay me back next time he saw me."

"Q. What creature has the best aptitude for engineering ? A. The spider -- It has its own website."

"This just isn't my day... It could be raining t*tties and I'd get hit in the head with a d*ck..."

"I am suffering from Tinnitus Feminale... ... Everytime a women moves her lips, I hear a loud ringing."

"Words can't describe how beautiful you are. But, numbers can. 4/10"

"Never confuse a Kiwi with an Aussie. One's a soft, hairy fruit and the other's a Kiwi!"

"A buddy of mine quit his job at the paper mill, He said the conditions were tearable."