198891

Joke of the Day

"How do you know that William Wallace is normally distributed? 'Cause he has infinite degrees of FREEEEEDOM!!!"

"Kenny G. walks into an elevator... and says, ""Man, this place is HAPPENING!"""

"Free advice: Saying ""meaty shaft"" in a corporate meeting is like saying bomb on an airplane."

"wife: Would you ever want an open marriage? me *messages every girl in my phone asking if they'd have sex with me* Umm *all respond no* Nah"

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father... Not screaming like his passengers."

"I won a contest to go trick or treating with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. Wad thinking of going as Beethoven. He'll be Bach."

"Bodybuilder 1 says to bodybuilder 2 ""hey man, I think we're out of protein powder"" Bodybuilder 2 responds ""No whey!!"""

"Dyslexic's of the world... ...untie!"

"What's it called when you're anxious enough to be a Helicopter Mom, but really, really lazy? A Blimp Mom? Yeah, I'm that."

"Africans would remember this Ebola"