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Joke of the Day

"*4yo comes in from garden with worm* Wife: TAKE IT AWAY!!! *4yo puts on top hat as I throw him a cane and starts tap dancing*"

"Why is everyone mad at Kim Davis? Nobody in the government does their job."

"I will force my way into an inside joke and kill the fun before I let two people laugh about something I don't get."

"What do you get when you cross a squirrel with a Hummer? A gray and red hairy paste."

"The best thing about owning a Smart Car is when it gets dirty, you can just put it in the dishwasher."

"On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky... how much do you like kids?... Somewhere around a Ronald McDonald, I pretend to like them but slowly kill them with diabetes"

"Baby, I would run into a burning building from you."

"When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. That says everything about marriage."

"Which part of the Bible won't you find a black man? The Book of Job."

"[Picking up girls] Me: you like bad boys, huh? Girls: yea Me to my wing man: tell them Wing man: he's just literally the worst"