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Joke of the Day

"*4yo comes in from garden with worm* Wife: TAKE IT AWAY!!! *4yo puts on top hat as I throw him a cane and starts tap dancing*"

"I like running up to kids, punching a puppy in the face and screaming ""WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?"" And that's my long-term solution to religion."

"What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d"

"A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money. It was a strobbery."

"How does Bob Marley like his donuts? Preferably not dead from cancer."

"What did Spock find in the Enterprises's toilet? ... ... ... ... ... ... The captain's log!"

"My mate asked why I've got a Neo costume in my closet; so I told him about the time his sister said she'd only give it up for 'the one'..."

"My girlfriend asked me to get her something that made her look sexy. I got drunk!"

"A boy asks the teacher, ""what's infinity?"" Teacher: ""think of a number."" Boy: ""ok, I've got one."" Teacher: ""good, that's not it!"""

"I don't know what my wife is most upset about today. The fact that she caught me having sex with her mother this morning or the fact that her mother died during her sleep last night."