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Joke of the Day

"I just had to think to remember how to write a capital ""P"", so if anyone needs a tutor for their kid or anything, hit me up."

"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish."

"""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""Dave"" ""Dave who?"" Dave had to hold back tears as he realised his mother's Alzheimer's is getting worse"

"Taking a picture of your meal before you eat is the new ""saying grace."""

"When the food packaging says ""serves 3 - 4 people The fat controller laughed ""you are wrong"""

"What is a prime way of knowing when a retard is thirsty? He'll have water on the brain."

"What's the difference between a musician and a dead body? One composes, the other decomposes..."

"When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived."

"NSFW Your dick's like Mt. Everest. .. It's hard to get up."

"Why did the football team sack the hairy goalkeeper? Because he rarely shaved the balls."