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Joke of the Day

"I'm on that ""I don't give a fuck diet."" I've lost 10 assholes already."

"I dont't want to die a virgin because that means I'll have to have sex with terrorists."

"Why did the doctor toss his patient down a well? He tried to kill them."

"Tomorrow I'm opening the time capsule I buried as a kid. Can't wait to see how big my puppy got."

"Camouflage training The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, ""I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning."" ""Thank you very much, sir."""

"What do you call a black woman whose had 7 abortions? A crime fighter."

"ME: Honey, I bought a Pet Rock WIFE: A WHAT? ME: Shhh, you'll make him nervous DWAYNE JOHNSON: *already peeing all over the carpet*"

"Did you hear the one about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?"

"Girls are of two types.... Girls are of two types: 1. Boring 2. Interesting Boring are the ones who use umbrella even in sunlight; And Interesting are the ones who forget Umbrella at home during rain!"

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame rabbit? The tame way. All thanks go to my father, I'll show myself out."