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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend caught me masturbating to porn on my phone... She looked at me seductively and asked if she could help. I said sure, could you hold my phone?"

"I live in my parent's basement so I had to dig a deeper basement for my kids to live in. In 20 generations we will reach the Earth's core."

"I've just bought a car that parks itself. Oh really? And where it is? I have no fucking idea."

"I was trying to get my girl to try @nal. She said ""Fine I'm gonna stick my finger up your ass and see how you like it!"" The wedding is in a week"

"I just want free gold. But what would i use it for teehee"

"""You'll sleep when I'm dead"" -- my phone"

"The masochist and a sadist. What did the masochist say to the sadist? *Hit me.* What did the sadist say to the masochist? *No.*"

"How can you spot a bad stripper? Because they half-ass it."

"Give me your best ""I like my women..."" joke Obligatory; I like my women like I like my jack and cokes: single and inexpensive. Let me hear yours"

"If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple ""Thank you"" would be nice... ...None of that ""How did you get into my house?"" business."