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Joke of the Day

"Glue Sticks... I was walking through an arts and crafts shop when I saw a sign saying, ""Glue Sticks.""I thought, ""No shit."""

"Growing up, my parents nicknamed by penis 'Eamonn' I never managed to get all my pee in the bowl."

"Why do I have to steal the Death Star plans? Nothing this big stays secret. Just Google them. There's probably a torrent somewhere."

"Q: What's red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint."

"""no one cares abot ur plan to dig to the center of the earth! the world doesnt revolve around you!"" she said. ""IT WILL IF MY PLAN WORKS THO"""

"If you ever feel stupid, just remember that every day, people are searching the internet to find out ""Is the drug from LIMITLESS real?"""

"My girlfriend thanked me for telling her a joke as she hadn't laughed since her mother died I think it was pretty disrespectful that she'd laughed when her mother died."

"Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep fucking me."

"*at a concert* ARE YOU GUYS READY TO ROCK (Crowd) ""YEAAAAH"" LETS DO THIS HIT IT *30 second ad plays first*"

"If you roll out your chapstick more than an inch, I'll see you in court."