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Joke of the Day

"HER: Wow you look great. ME: Thanks. I use both my eyes."

"Looking to find a way to say ""I'm not mad at you"" without actual human communication? Try a Facebook Like today!"

"What is the difference between a church and a cult? Their Punch."

"At the planetarium with my family. I think my wife was surprised to discover she's not the center of the universe."

"Dot [limerick] There once was a woman named Dot, who lived off of pig-shit and snot. When she ran out of these, she ate the green cheese, that grew on the sides of her twat."

"My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues."

"Why do cavemen drag their women by their hair? Because if you drag them by their feet their cunts fill up with mud."

"What do you find in an empty nose? Fingerprints."

"What is Heinz Guderian's favorite song? The Blitzkrieg Bop"

"No matter how loud car alarms are, cars never seem to wake up."