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Joke of the Day

"Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted."

"I have a voluntary version of Tourette's."

"Hype for the Major release of Star Wars vii. I hope it hasn't diminished in quality."

"Hi I'm here for my vasectomy. ""Would you like that toasted?"" What? ""Haha whoops sorry, just came from my other job. Ok let's do this."""

"Wanna know the secret to a good marriage? Sleep. Cant do anything wrong while sleeping. Unless you talk in your sleep, then youre dead."

"What's the difference between Greece and a good software application? Greece doesn't have default settings!"

"A man walks up to three old ladies. He flashes them his penis. The first two ladies immediatly had a stroke. The third one didn't dare touch it."

"I keep hearing about kids accidentally dying from trying to get an asphyxiation high. What happened to drugs, kids?! We still have drugs!"

"To be honest, I'm not going to be completely happy until Facebook implements a 'I Wish You Were Dead' button."

"What's more dangerous than a serial killer? A parallel killer."