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Joke of the Day

"[high school reunion] ""Hey aren't u the kid who used to lie and throw people under the bus all the time?"" No that was Tyler."

"The French government has issued a statement regarding the recent string of terrorist attacks. Oui surrender"

"What's the difference between a Blonde and a person with a different colour of hair? The blonde sure doesn't know."

"If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that shit means but at least they're not talking to you anymore"

"I thought my Haitian friend was finally going to show me zombies... but it was actually just 'some bees'"

"People always ask what's the best sport to watch at home. It's obviously volleyball because I can't whip my dick out in the stands."

"How much do all the bones in the human body weigh? A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out."

"It's not my farting that bothers my wife, it's me yelling ""Release the Kraken!!"" right before I do it."

"A boy wrote Santa: ""please send me a sister"". Santa wrote back: ""Alright, send me your mother""."

"McDonalds actually does serve breakfast after 10:30 if u have a gun"