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Joke of the Day

"If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that shit means but at least they're not talking to you anymore"

"How do you make an Italian plumber cry? You kill his family"

"There's both a McDonald's and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life."

"What happens when you mix Jared from Subway and Bill Cosby? I don't know; It was too long ago, and I can't remember."

"Where does an atom go when it breaks down? A quantum mechanic. lel"

"Good Cop: If you confess now, you'll probably just get probation. Fad Cop: Hey Macarena!"

"What's the difference between skinny and squat? I never took a skinny on a girl's chest."

"Take it easy on the anti-semetic jokes. Take it easy on the jew jokes please. My grandfather died in a concentration camp during WW2. Apparently he fell off a guard tower during shift change."

"What's more fun than swinging a dead baby by a string? Stopping it with a shovel!"

"What do you do when you come across an elephant? Wipe it off and apologize."