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Joke of the Day

"You're invited to my Oscar party! The theme is movie star cuisine which means there won't be any food."

"What's the first thing a woman does after leaving spousal abuse therapy? The dishes, if she knows what's good for her!"

"The first rule of Running Late Club is get stuck behind a Prius."

"I knew I could convince my wife to get an Abortion... All she needed was a shove in the right direction... and a set of stairs."

"What's better than roses on your piano? - tulips on your organ."

"Where does a Mexican store his food? Hispantry"

"A fortune cookie told me I'd receive an important message soon. The message in the bottle told me the fortune cookie was poisoned."

"My parents are in town and said they'd be at my house in ten minutes, and I'm wondering if that's enough time to build a moat."

"I feel bad for people without arms... ... They can't rapidly take off their bottoms when they need to take a massive dump."

"If people smoke cigarettes, what do fish smoke? Seaweed"