66645

Joke of the Day

"I knew I could convince my wife to get an Abortion... All she needed was a shove in the right direction... and a set of stairs."

"What kind of dog is a person's best friend? A palmatian!"

"No matter how powerless you feel, just think to yourself, one single pubic hair off of your body can shut down an entire restaurant."

"TIL Thesaurus is not a dinosaur"

"*punches a fish* that's for tsunamis"

"Gorilla tape isn't stronger than duct tape anymore because... ... They shot and killed it."

"Me: Play dead My Dog: *drives to my office and starts doing my job*"

"After working out for over a year, I successfully dated several girls who always jumped on my couch, saying 'do whatever you want with me'. But unfortunately none of them liked Mario Kart. :("

"At first I didn't like having a beard, but it grew on me."

"Why does Jesus Jaywalk? Because he hates crosswalks"