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Joke of the Day

"Wife: we need to improve our home Me: agreed Wife: remodeling the kitchen should be top priority Me: [crosses out ""get more dogs""] obviously"

"I make the McDonald's guy eat a McDouble with me like when people buy shots for the bartender"

"I went to a blind fortune teller the other day She looked into her crystal ball, and she told me there is eternal darkness in my future."

"I've always wondered what it was like to have a stalker... So I guess I'll ask the guy hiding in my closet."

"What is Medusa's favorite cheese? Gorgonzola."

"What do you call it when you are looking for your Subaru Forrester in a parking garage? Finding Forrester"

"I recently came across a book about a highway system in a third world country I didn't enjoy it. It was full of potholes."

"Three part joke Why did the kid fall out of the tree? I shot him Why did the second kid fall out? I stapled them together Why did the third kid fall out? Peer pressure"

"I got a new stick of deodorant today The instructions said ""Remove cap and push up bottom"". I can barely walk now but when I fart the room smells lovely."

"Girls and square roots have one thing in common... If they are under 13, do 'em in your head."