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Joke of the Day

"What did the Australian grandmaster say to the waiter after eating? Check, mate."

"A robber walks into a bakery, and pulls out a gun. ""Give me the dough!"""

"What do you call a lonely cow? Beef Jerky"

"Congratulations, you've won a free - A free what? I can't hear you over my muted speakers. Owned that bitch."

"After I die, I want someone to periodically log in as me so it looks like I'm haunting Facebook."

"Rock stars are always hitting the people they date.... Because they want everything to be a smashing success. After I wrote this, I'm reevaluating my life."

"Look at the name 'Morgan Freeman' and then TRY not to read things in Morgan Freeman's voice. See? You can't."

"When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it."

"Talking to my friend about how useless I am with ladies... Me: ""I even had to stand on a damn ladder yesterday just to kiss my date goodnight..."" Him: ""Wow, was she tall?"" ""No, she hung herself."""

"What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta... F*ck you guys this is funny to me."