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Joke of the Day

"Congratulations, you've won a free - A free what? I can't hear you over my muted speakers. Owned that bitch."

"You don't need to use your words if you're carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out."

"My wife gets annoyed with my long showers. I told her they could be 10-15 minutes shorter if she joined me."

"Whenever I fondle breasts, they fall off. It's true, I fell tit with my own hand."

"I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me."

"Has the airplane joke been posted yet? Eh never mind, it'll go over your head."

"What is the scariest thing about a white man in prison? You know he did it."

"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes 1 to screw it in, and 99 to tweet about it."

"Q: What do you call an Oyster who is stuck in traffic? A: A PearlJam "

"This is the test you should take to know if you are a man. Really????"