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Joke of the Day

"When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it."

"What's the difference between anal and oral sex?(NSFW) Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak."

"Ate a bowl of Captain Crunch Berries this morning. With blatant disregard for the roof of my mouth. -thug life"

"I'll call it a ""smart phone"" the day I yell, ""Where's my freaking phone?!"" and it answers, ""I'm here! Under the pile of clothes!"

"What do you call soap for your ass-hole? Shampooder."

"I listened to Winter by Vivaldi the other day... Ugh, that piece is soooo *last season*"

"My friend asked me if I was hungry... I said no, I'm Austria."

"What do you call a psychic, escape convict who is also a dwarf? A small medium at large."

"Playing golf for the first time this weekend reminded me of my trip to Taiwan It was a good experience and I had a great time, even though I ended up in a few traps."

"What did Joan Rivers say to the zombie? *Who are you wearing?*"