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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I'm late, someone showed me an otter video, and then I looked up more otter videos for like half an hour."

"""you're breaking up with me, here? and now?!"" ""it's just not working out"" *both continue pedaling tandem bicycle in silence*"

"I was considering feeding Mr. Whiskers spicy food... ....But then I remembered that curry-osity killed the cat."

"I hate eating vegetables... The wheelchair is always getting in the way"

"Simpsons TapOut/Awesome Best game out in long time. I'm so addicted to it that it seems to be a issue with my relationship. Lol!!!"

"Did you hear about the condom that flew across the bedroom? It was PISSED OFF!"

"Think the person who invented dog food knew they came up with dog food? ""What do you think of my new dish?"" ""I think dogs would love it."""

"My girlfriend is NOT a library book You hear that guys? Stop checking her out."

"Why was Skippy falsely imprisoned? Because it was a kangaroo court."

"Wanna up the awkward while standing in line? Turn around while you wait."