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Joke of the Day

"While getting ready to leave on trip, I was trying to get my wife to hurry up. She says ""Why are you rushin'?"" Too which I replied ""Because my grandpa is from Moscow."" Duh.."

"Someone should invent a version of Twitter for people who spell things like rappers. They could call it ""twita"". Dat would b nize"

"Every couple weeks I pour a little cocoa powder and hot milk down the sink as a pick me up for any struggling mole people."

"Which murderer is the safest to be stuck in an elevator with? The ax murderer of course. He will always ax you before murdering you."

"What are women good for!? Something to lie on while you have sex!"

"My wife just told me she's leaving me if I don't stop drinking I told her "" Come on honey just one more drink, and I will help you pack!"

"Why do soccer announcers make terrible business executives? They constantly discuss productivity GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAALs."

"What do you give Sean Connery when hes eating nachos in a bathtub? Shower Cream"

"Sometimes in the 'special talents' section of a resume I like to draw a picture of a cat"

"Bernie Sanders and Google Fiber walk into a bar. And all of Reddit gave it an upvote."