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Joke of the Day

"Men are like power tools. They make a lot of noise but it's hard to get them to work."

"[interview after losing a fight] ""What happened out there?"" I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either"

"Q: You're on top of Mount Everest. How do you get down? A: Pluck a duck."

"Q: How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it."

"How Do You Start An African Rave? staple toast to the ceiling..."

"A Blanket? It would be a fukkit."

"Shit happens You know what they say: shit happens. That's why every time something bad happens, I pray for constipation."

"Don't worry, everyone else is as confused as you, I swear."

"Fruit flies can fly, but most fruit can't, do you know which one can? Banana Skin"

"Two sausages are in a frying pan. One says, ""Geez, it's hot in here isn't it?""And the other one says, ""Aaaaaah! A talking sausage!"""