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Joke of the Day

"I hit a deer last night. It died instantly. I feel awful, but when I'm jogging I'm in my own world."

"I asked Princess Leia why her and Han weren't going to make it... She said it is because ""Han shot first."""

"I am fairly certain that ""YOLO"" is ""Carpe Diem"" for stupid people."

"Life... It's just an f in lie."

"When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words to be....""I left the diamonds on an Island, look for clues on my Face Book!....."", just to get them to read all the jokes I've posted."

"Why don't the Germans care about the word, 'nichts'? It means nothing to them."

"[sliding $5 to the zookeeper] Maybe one of those penguins ends up in my car?"

"wtf is almond milk almonds ain't even got titties"

"What does a gay Kraken eat? *Seamen*"

"Have you heard the one about the Imaginary man? You haven't? Me neither!"