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Joke of the Day

"All of my friends are jealous when they find out I hooked up with my math teacher in high school But honestly, being homeschooled sucked."

"Finishing up my time machine. Bolting down the flux capacitor now. I'll start small and go back a couple of seconds just to see if it works."

"Anything is 'bite size' if your mouth is big enough."

"Hate freeloaders who join in the New Year's Eve countdown for the last 10 seconds. I've been doing this all year. Where were you back in May"

"Dwarf Shortage I know, it's a short joke"

"Toilets that automatically flush before I'm done make me feel like every relationship I've ever been in."

"[job interview] ""Why do you want to leave your current job?"" My boss is a total idiot ""It says here you're self-employed?"" Yes that's right"

"What do blacks and bicycles have in common? They both require chains to work. (no offense to black people intended)"

"Why did the cosmonaut forget to pack extra underwear? Because he was Russian."

"The most disturbing thing about fossil fuels is when Larry King pisses into his gas tank and drives off."