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Joke of the Day

"What is a suicidal Weebs favorite anime? Bleach."

"My dad was always drunk when I was a kid The punchline? It was my mom, then my sister, then me"

"I was researching converting to Mormonism until I found out you have to give them 10% of your income I guess I'm Jewish."

"*phone rings* SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week? ME: No returns SATAN: Please. It's making me sad"

"Having my wisdom teeth pulled. They have nothing left to teach me. I must learn on my own from now on."

"I almost got a job with Sony but the interview was cancelled"

"3 y/o: I want a bagel Me: We don't have any 3 y/o: You're a idiot Me: How did you survive your abortion"

"Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!"

"welcome to Olive Garden! when you're here, you're family. sit up straight. have you gained weight? why can't you be more like your sister"

"If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly."