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Joke of the Day

"Never marry a girl whose mother's name is Hope.... because 'Hope' never dies."

"""Florence + the Machine"" would be a funny name for a Leonardo da Vinci biopic. Follow this account for more goodass Renaissance tweets"

"Did you know that Subaru used to be called Subalu? But then it moved to Japan."

"Bending over in a short skirt will probably get me further than my expensive education ever will."

"Ate Frosted Mini Wheats this morning, pooped a mini patio set this evening."

"Why couldn't the lizard be aroused? He had a reptile dysfunction (I just made that up but I'm sure it's been thought of)"

"Wear green for St Patty's Day! You don't wanna get punched! -You mean pinched [flashback to the 6 people I punched earlier] It's pinched?"

"Did you here they opened a pasta joint in hell? They call it Dante's Alfredo!"

"[NSFW] My new girlfriend just introduced me to her fetish.... I didn't want to tell anyone, but I just had to get this shit off my chest."

"How do you console someone with bad Grammar Skills ? There, Their, They're."