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Joke of the Day

"Gandalf gave me a test... I didn't pass."

"how do you drown a blonde? put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool"

"I'm the only stalker I know with OCD. After I break in to watch you sleep, I fold your laundry."

"A man has been killed after an E-cigarette exploded in his mouth. ""His face was a complete mess."" Said the coroner. ""But his lungs were mint."""

"What do you call a cannibal that only eats disabled people? A Vegetarian"

"Stop making mini snacks, people. Never have I been like, ""wow this is a delicious cupcake. If only it were 1/4 of the size."""

"Girl, are you a jar in my parents' fridge? Because I have absolutely no way of knowing how old you are."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father... Not screaming like his passengers."

"Millenials won't get this one Their own home"

"Brad Pitt was just telling my friend he liked me & then I woke up so it looks like the best part of my day is already bullshit & over."